(Originally posted August 21, 2013 at 6:29 pm)
I don’t know what it is, but for some reason, god really has a thing for that fleshy little bit at the end of a man’s penis. Although neither I nor my parents were Jewish, I lost mine just after I was born so I couldn’t tell you what it’s like to have a foreskin, but they must be quite special. So special, in fact, god has a certain fascination with them.
Admittedly, I’ve never really put much thought into god’s fascination with dick flesh, but I saw this picture on the internet and remembered reading in Exodus 4:24-26 NIV that it does indeed say what the image claims.
“At a lodging place on the way, the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. ‘Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,’ she said. So the Lord let him alone.”
Hahahaha! That’s just crazy! But why is it crazy? Did it only get weird when she touched her husbands feet with a piece of flesh she had just cut off her son’s penis? Just let that image sink in for a moment. Or was it crazy that god wanted to kill Moses and circumcising his son is what saves his life? How did they figure out that was the solution? Was god direct about it or did he ho-hum around before asking for a piece of their son’s dick? ‘Hey, I’m fixing to kill you husband. Oh, and, ummm, by the way, that’s some really nice looking flesh there on the end of your son’s penis. You know, on occasion I’ve been known to overlook certain transgressions if…’
Either way, there’s still a small boy getting that fleshly little bit cut off his dick, I think it’s safe to say without anesthesia or antibiotics, and somehow this is good in god’s eyes. These people are so barbaric, she uses a knife chipped out of rock made by hitting it with another rock, caveman style.
In the beginning god made man in his image so we can assume from that statement the almighty has a foreskin. Then in Genesis 17 he makes a covenant with man and requires every male must give up his foreskin. In Leviticus 12:3 it tells us any newborn male is to have his foreskin removed at the age of 8 days old. In Deuteronomy 10:6 it says to ‘circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no more stiffnecked’.
And then who can forget when one famous leader in the bible, Saul, commands another famous leader, David, in 1 Samuel 18 to bring him 100 Philistine foreskins for the price of his daughters hand in marriage? David naturally goes and murders enough Philistines to get the all the required bits of dick flesh then has them sent to Saul.
God must really like foreskins. You might think he was against foreskins but in Genesis 17:11 the bible tells us, ‘And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.’ A token to god.
I wonder what he’s doing up there with all those little bits of dick flesh. Does he wear them tied on a string around his neck?
Crazy, isn’t it?
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